The Commentary of Two Kyles

This was a submission to Queer Secrets that a mutual friend had submitted. They wish to remain anonymous. Queer Secrets did not post this secret. It is thought that this secret being submitted created this response from queer secrets about their not censoring secrets, etc.

Kyle: Firstly, for those who are unaware, it’s crucial to understand the nature of some of the secrets being posted on this blog. Many mention the increase in out trans folks as trans being a trend, or the idea of being trans “if only it weren’t for ___.” Statements that if said in a trans space would get you an immediate glare and “oh, pleeeease.” Well, more like a serious conversation like this post is intended to be.

For starters, these kinds of statements are severely transphobic, pushing the nature of our identities and lives to the category of “unimportant” or “trivial.” And when left in the open unchallenged, they are seen as valid statements. Which, yes, they are valid opinions; people have opinions that exist. But they untrue of the community as a whole, and in that way they are not valid statements, statements with truth. And where this can turn into an issue in a forum like Queer Secrets is that people can see these statements as true, or even knowing they aren’t be overwhelmed by the amount and internalize the messages, with no counterpoints presented alongside to let them know it simply isn’t true.

Now, to this secret which wasn’t posted, recognize with the background I just gave that it is true. There is too much unchecked transphobia posted in the secrets and in a lot of queer spaces in general. In one of my activist groups, I still get asked really personal questions that no one would dare ask any of the cis folks, and this is a group that actively campaigns against shit like that. Gender is so deeply embedded in our upbringing that perhaps it is just that hard to tell when one is being transphobic or not. In my workplace and school, I often relate stories of incidents that I am then told have to be reported, and each time I ask, “Was that really discrimination? Was that really cissexist?” I didn’t even know. But tangent aside, transphobia is everywhere, and somehow especially blatant in this venue until one stops and looks at it, realizes it’s there, and works to change it.

Now, would I recommend unfollowing? Personally, no. I appreciate the honesty of the venue and I love the amount of folks that step up and reply to the transphobic secrets. I also like to see what the current mindset is. Case-in-point are a lot of recent Degrassi secrets, about the FTM character, Adam. Kids are worried his presence might delegitimatize their identities. While some people say, hey, that’s transphobic to think that, look at the real issue. Kids who are otherwise trans are not thinking that, they are simply worried about the timing. I know when Thomas Beattie was all over the TV I was pretty darn upset because other people were going to think I was strange. I don’t think he’s strange, but other people might, and then that reflects to me. That’s what those secrets are saying. Another option as opposed to unfollowing is that they could stop posting those kinds of secrets. But again, what is seen as transphobic can vary from person to person, and also, since when is censorship something we want to support? I would rather see hurtful opinions than know that things are being hidden and covered up.

So if creating a safe space free of transphobia is something you care about, please consider unfollowing Queer Secrets. Weigh the options, that unfollowing can send a message that those are not OK to pass on, or that unfollowing can also send messages that approve of censoring the secrets, or otherwise altering safe spaces to speak freely. It’s a tough issue, but I hope this uncovers some of it for you.

Kyle: I agree with the majority that has already been said, and things that have been said by other tumblr users about Queer Secrets.

As many of you probably know, the concept behind Queer Secrets originated from the blog PostSecret. With PostSecret, readers create their own post cards and snail mail ‘em to a Frank Warren’s PO Box. Since there are so many secrets only a handful are actually posted on the website.

The satisfaction from sending in a secret and allowing your thoughts and feelings out there anonymously is the main component that relieves people. Getting it posted on the site is just a bonus.

Queer Secrets is great in the way that it’s an outlet for people to let out their queer secrets (dur). Some of the things done by the blog are positive, others are not. Although I have enjoyed posting and relating to some of the secrets, I think the  blog has lost the original charm.

When I log onto tumblr with the 40 or so people that I follow, it takes awhile to catch up with whatever I’ve missed. I think it would be a bit better if the blog owner maybe picked out a few (say, 25?) of the best submissions to post daily. It would make the blog more like the original PostSecret and might eliminate people that could be posting specifically to piss people off.

In the begining a lot of the posts were cute, quirky, and in ways positive. Now it’s fairly depressing, filled with misunderstandings, and all sorts of phobias -isms and fetishizing/objectification. Since there is complete anonymity the user posting their secret they don’t have to worry about the backlash from ticked off trans people, queer people, people of color, etc. Getting called out on your privilege or phobia just does not seem to hold its weight when given the anonymity of the internet.

So, what options does Queer Secrets have? What should they do?  And, what options do we have?

Queer Secrets can trim down the amount of posts. Since there are an estimated 100 submissions daily, cutting that down to 1/4th of the secrets seems like something reasonable that could help the blogger and the reader. The main reason why I believe most people submit their secrets relates back to PostSecret, just writing down something to take the weight off your shoulders. This is what I think they should do but since I am not running the blog I have no say in this. They can do whatever they want.

The other option is to continue what they are doing and the way they are doing it. People will continue to post secrets that many may consider inappropriate. There will possibly be continuing discussion surounding the thoughts behind the posts. Some might learn, some might not learn.

You, the reader also have the ability to unfollow. If those who disagree with QueerSecrets are a significant number of followers, and all “unfollow” it would be sending the message of “hey, we don’t like the -phobia, or -ism.”

If you want to continue following that’s also perfectly fine. Do what you can, reblog in the hopes that the people posting hurtful/hateful/ignorant secrets read whatever you write in an attempt to educate. Ignore whatever secrets you can’t deal with.